Recap of 2013:

We moved back to Malaysia in January, took my family and I a bit of time to settle down and all, then in March I registered for my exam, the next few months after that were just torture.  I keep saying I need to study and then ended up not studying and feeling like craps afterwards and it’s a never-ending cyle. In June, I spent my birthday exactly how I wanted it, it was so self-rewarding and I think I might even want to continue spending it like that for the rest of my life. I can’t really remember when but twice this year my family and I took short trips to Malacca and that’s when I discovered that Malacca comes second on the list of places I wouldn’t mind settling down in. Then I had my first Ramadhan and Eid in Malaysia after almost four years abroad which was amazing. After that was a bit blur,  I can’t remember my timeline correctly. But I know there was a lot of forcing myself to study and not doing it and feeling like crap afterwards. In November, I sat for my exam.  When the exam was over, I basically just sat at home lazing around the house buat tambah berat je.

And now I’m just glad 2013 is over with. I have wanted it to be over for the longest of time. It definitely won’t be missed. I can’t wait for 2014 and now it’s finally here. We are going to take a family vacation in January and then I plan to take my license after that and in March, result is going to come out and the timing couldn’t be more perfect. After all of that, it’s just time to rack my brains over whichs and whats and hows and whys on furthering my studies. My 2014 timeline looks okay and I really hope it stays that way.

Out of all things,  I just happen to have zero tolerance for messy lazy people. I just don’t sit well with people like this. It’s a trait I got from my dad I guess. They just piss me off to my core. Menyampah gile dengan orang yang tak tahu bersih ni. Menggelikan. Kalau kau sihat tubuh badan, takde alasan kau nak selekeh sampai macam ni.

Thanks Abah, these came just in time.

cvanillaa:

People are so vulnerable at night. They’re willing to spill out their souls to anyone willing to listen. They have desires to do things that never cross their mind when the sun is in the sky.

This is exactly why I don’t like having too much free time on my hands and not having things to do. I start picking at things I shouldn’t, start thinking too much which eventually will just lead to me getting pissed at everyone and everything. It gets to the point where I started crying in my room because I thought I’m going to fail my Maths paper and then not be able to pursue my studies, started getting annoyed at the petty things I swore never to lose shits over again like my physical appearance or my inability to do this and that or how I kept thinking I’m just going to never value to anything. 

If I had something to do I wouldn’t mind all of these. I wouldn’t care how stupid I am when it comes to certain things, wouldn’t care about how my hair looks like and wouldn’t tug at it and complain too much. I love my hair. I honestly do. It’s curly and I have been growing it out since last year so it has been getting long and I really do like it. It’s very wavy. But thing is, I think my hair is at its wild phase right now and nothing I do will ever get it to work with me. Or maybe it’s just my bad hair month, who knows. But either way, there are days when I wish my hair isn’t as curly as it is and that I can be able to run my fingers through it without getting entangled and all. But oh well. 

Ni lah dia, cuba kalau aku ade kerja nak buat. Takdenye aku sampai tulis panjang macam gini pasal rambut sendiri, I wouldn’t even bother. Tapi bila dah terlampau banyak waktu lapang, semua benda boleh jadi hasil nak sakitkan hati sendiri. Kadang kadang, malam malam diri depan cermin sorang sorang mulling over how many kilos should I lose, mind you, I was never one to care about my diet. Tapi bile dah macam gini, semua benda nak fikir. Should I really eat this? Or that? Macam orang bodoh. As if that’s the most important thing. 

Some nights, sebelum tido pon jadi. I would start thinking to myself, lepas SPM kau nak jadi ape? Kau boleh ke lulus Maths? And then I would start weeping and it’s about the worst feeling there is. 

This was exactly like when I was a wreck when it comes to self esteem then. It stopped for a while, but it’s back again now. Only times a hundred. 

I want to travel so bad. I want to go places. I want to do so many things. I know all I have to do is just wait but oh my god is this frustrating. I’m not even sure what I’m supposed to do in the meantime. 

Habis je exam terus demam. Alahai nasib badan. 

I have my last paper today in less than an hour and I have yet to shower. Have a slight case of cold and sore throat and the weather (it has been raining non stop for the last few hours) just makes me want to sleep in but of course that’s not going to happen.

Takpe lah, sakit sikit je lagipun hari ni last and then it’s all over.